


Your Heartbeat Is My Favorite Song

by DexterMcShipper



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Badly Written Smut, I'm never writing smut again, M/M, Sad Ending, cute fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-24 03:01:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6139090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DexterMcShipper/pseuds/DexterMcShipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn is very attached to Liam ever since they've been back together after their ten months of being apart after Zayn left the band. The two of them are ready for the end and have already planned their coming out to the world. The problem is that Liam is forced into a brand new stunt just a month before their coming out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Heartbeat Is My Favorite Song

**Author's Note:**

> Okay backstory about this fic: I started this fic when I wasn't in a good place in my life and I wanted to write something sad and how unfair the world is. I started this but my life got better and I thought "No one deserves this negativity!" but recently I came across it and I always liked the story so I decided to finish it. 
> 
> By the way, it has a sad ending. I'm warning you now! Sorry if the end is written badly I was crying while writing the last few paragraphs.
> 
> P.S. This is my first fic so I am sorry if it sucks
> 
> P.S.S. I'm bad at summary's

Zayn sits and wonders what he did to get so lucky. To have an amazing fiancé like Liam Payne. Liam had proposed to Zayn the night he was set to leave the band. It was their last night together for God knows how long and Liam decide it would be the perfect time. To promise to each other that they would love each other no matter what. No matter how bad the bullshit gets with them and Management. No matter how far apart they were. They would be each other's. Always.

That was ten months ago though. Now he has Liam all to himself. For the next eighteen months. Right now, they are planning their coming out to the world. So far, it has been really emotional. For Zayn. For Liam. 

They decided that that they would make a video and post it on every social March 25. (The anniversary of Zayn leaving.)

They didn't want the video to be professional. They wanted it to be unique, personal. Them.

They are eating dinner in their LA apartment. Liam decided to make spaghetti and surprise his lovely fiancé before he got home stunting with. What's her name? Googoo Manvoice? Liam doesn't really remember. Zayn greets Liam with a kiss to the neck taking in the sweet scent of him.

“Hey, love.” Liam says giggling because of Zayn’s gentle touch against his neck.

“Hey, babe,” Zayn answers, “what's all this?” He asks noticing the spaghetti. 

“A little something for my lovely fiancé.” Liam says.

“Ok. But why?” 

“Well two reasons. One. I love you. Duh! And you deserve it! And two. I got bored and hungry and I knew you were on your way home so. Yeah!” Liam says proudly. 

“Here try some.” Liam says taking the ladle he had been using to stir the noodles. He picks up a few noodles and brings them to Zayn's mouth. 

“Hey, Hey, Hey. Don't start putting things in my mouth already!” Zayn said only half joking. Liam smiled wide. The kind of smile that spreads to your eyes and makes you feel like the sun is literally beating down on you with heat and comfort. That could be one of Zayn's favorite things about Liam. The way he smiles and laughs. Both were beautiful and each deserved to be photographed and video tape at any cost. Liam is the kind of adorable that you think of when you see a small puppy so happy because he just got a new toy. 

Zayn loved the way he could make Liam feel like that. He loved that Liam made him feel like that. Complete. Whole. He loved that they were each other's soul mate and both of them knew they were meant for each other. 

Zayn and Liam eat while participating in casual conversation about the others day and what, not. 

After dinner, Liam is doing their dishes while Zayn pretends to help. Zayn every now and then sneaking a kiss under Liam’s chin right above his Adam's Apple. That's Zayn's favorite thing to kiss Liam (that's not sexual of course, because honestly, Liam is sexy as fuck and Zayn loves every part of Liam sexually). It makes him laugh the loudest. It's where Liam is the most ticklish. 

 

They are both on the couch with a pint of ice cream each. Liam is sitting in the couch with Zayn's legs on his lap. The TV is not on. Why would you turn on the TV when the love of your life, that you haven't seen in real life for eight months, is right next to you? 

“What did you and Gigi do?” Liam asks curious.

“We went shopping at the mall.” Zayn says with too big of a smile, for Liam’s liking.

“Oh yeah? What did you buy?”

“Eh. I just looked at stuff.” 

“Oh. I was hoping you got something for me.” Liam says fake pouting. 

Zayn leans forward and pokes Liam in the stomach. “Sorry to burst your bubble.” 

A laugh spasm breaks out before Zayn is on top of Liam tickle torturing him. Liam is fighting back until Zayn gets completely on top of him and is straddling Liam’s waist. 

They stare into each other's eyes. It's funny really, how whenever Zayn looks Into Liam’s eyes it seems like the entire world stops and waits to see what they are going to do. What they have is so special.That's what Zayn loves. 

Zayn is snapped out of his daydream with a rough kiss to his lips from Liam. Liam has a switch. He is calm, cute, adorable. Then when it comes to sex. He is a dominant force of nature that is absolutely amazing, in Zayn's opinion. 

“You taste like her.” Liam says against Zayn's lips.

“How would you know? Have you kissed her?” Zayn teased.

“You just don't taste like you.” 

“Why don't you change that? Make me taste like you!” Zayn says slamming his lips into Liam’s in a clash of teeth and tongue and lips. 

Liam picks Zayn up and carries him like a baby to their bedroom. He drops Zayn on the bed and is crawling on top of him not letting their lips disconnect for more than a second. Zayn reaches under Liam’s shirt, feeling his abs. 

He takes Liam's shirt off in one swift motion.

In less than a second their lips are together again. 

Zayn flips them over so he can be on top. He starts kissing down Liam's neck. His chest. His beautiful tummy. Zayn slides his tongue down Liam's happy trail before getting blocked off by underwear. Zayn sits up and takes off his shirt before his hand is pulling Liam's pants off. 

Zayn holds Liam's cock in one hand while licking a long stripe from the base to the tip. Zayn takes Liam's entirety into his mouth until he can feel him in the back of his throat. One thing he knows Liam loves is that Zayn practically has no gag reflex. Zayn can swallow anything.

Zayn bobs his head on Liam's large member while Liam, every now and then, says things like, “oh, yeah!” Or, “Zayn yeah right there!” 

It honestly turns Zayn on SO much whenever Liam talks dirty. When Liam puts his hands on the back of his neck and forces him to go down farther. 

“Stand up, love.” Liam says, and Zayn happily obeys, “Lay down on the bed.” 

Zayn is laying on his stomach and Liam is taking his pants off. 

Liam feels and squeezes Zayn's ass. 

“So good, so hot babe.” Liam says as he licks in a circle around Zayn's entrance. Liam slowly enters him. Licking and moving his tongue ever so slightly inside of Zayn. Zayn's hips buckle and he pushes his ass up into Liam's face, trying to get more of Liam's tongue inside of him. Zayn is panting and is moaning so loudly.

“Please.” Is all Zayn is able to get out. 

“Oh, babe. You are so amazing like this. So perfect.” 

Liam's middle finger massages Zayn's entrance before Zayn pushes against Liam hard forcing his finger to go inside him. 

“Eager are we?” Liam teases.

“Leeeeyum” Zayn pouts. 

Liam enters Zayn with his middle finger working it in and out of his tight pink hole. Each time he goes in deeper. Trying to hit the bundle of nerves that, Liam knows, will send Zayn into a state of bliss. 

Liam adds a second finger starting slow. Liam slowly scissoring inside of Zayn. When Liam hits that spot Zayn's hips buckle and Zayn collapses onto the bed. He is panting and moaning. Zayn tries to force his bum against Liam's fingers but can't. His body is physically unable to move. He lays there moaning out Liam's name. 

“Are you ready babe?” Liam asks. 

All Zayn can do is nod. He can't form his own sentences at the moment. He's been high multiple times. However, NOTHING beats Liam Payne sex high. 

“Do you want me to use a condom?” 

“No. Y-you. You feel. I. Feel. Want.” 

Liam giggles, “ok.” 

Liam gets up and aligns his dick with Zayn's entrance. He slowly goes into Zayn, he makes it halfway before pulling out, Zayn moves instinctively against Liam's penis and slams himself against Liam, taking all of him at once. 

“Such an eager cock slut aren't we, love?” Liam asks giggling at the willingness of Zayn. 

Liam starts to grind into Zayn slow, at first, knowing Zayn hates it. He does it just to tease Zayn. Make Zayn squirm. 

“Oh my GOD! Leeyum! Just fuck me!” Zayn says almost in a whine. 

So Liam does. Long, hard. Gives Zayn exactly what he wants. 

Zayn knows Liam loves the sound. The sound of Zayn saying “I love you!” And “Oh my god yes like that” He loves that he can make Zayn feel that way. Liam leans down and places a kiss on Zayn's lips while keeping the pace. Every now and then they come up for air and Zayn stares into Liam's eyes. He loves looking into Liam's eyes. The brown gorgeousness. 

“Ah! Liam! ‘M close!” Zayn pants.

“Come on, come for me baby!” At that moment, almost on cue Zayn cums on his chest. 

A few moments after Liam is pulling his cock out of Zayn and spilling his load onto him. 

They share an affectionate kiss before Liam is up and going to shower. 

Zayn goes into the bathroom and can see Liam is in the shower. The glass door foggy because of the heat of the shower. He takes a towel and wipes off his chest and torso. He leaves the towel out and heads back to the bed. He lays down on his side of the bed (the right side) and crawls into the covers with nothing on but his underwear. 

Later he feels the blanket warming him come up and down before a presence is felt on his back come close to him. An arm comes around him and is pulling him closer until his back is fully against Liam's bare chest. A simple kiss to the back of Zayn's neck sends shivers down his spine before he drifts into the blackness of sleep. 

 

Zayn wakes up to soft lips on his temple. He loves waking up being held. Being with Liam. It was what got him through four years of being hidden. Knowing he could wake up next to the love of his life.

That's what got them through their fights. Because, ninety-nine percent of their fights were because of management. They both had to go through it. They weren't going to give up on each other because, that's exactly what they wanted and Zayn and Liam wouldn't allow it. 

“It's time to wake up, love.” Liam says between soft kisses.

Zayn just groans in response. “Will you go get me breakfast?” 

Liam contemplates the idea. “What do you want?” 

“Donuts!” Zayn says perking up at the idea. 

“What kind?” 

“Anything. Couple of donuts a lot of donut holes.”

“Okay, love. I'll be back.” Liam kisses the top of Zayn's head before leaving. Zayn rolls over and falls back asleep.

 

Zayn wakes up to Liam kissing him. This time his lips. Zayn returns the kiss and places his hand onto Liam's cheek. 

“Your donuts are here.” Liam says between kisses.

“Thank you.” Zayn replies with a smile.

Liam leaves giving Zayn time to fully wake up. Zayn pushes the covers off of him and swings his legs over the side of the bed. He stands up slowly getting full composure before walking toward the kitchen. 

The kitchen smells of freshly cooked donuts and chocolate milk. Liam is facing the small, white cardboard box picking out different donuts and assorting them on plates. Zayn goes and sits down and waits for Liam to bring him his donuts. 

“Why donuts?” Liam asks sitting down. 

“I don't know. Been craving them for a while I guess.” 

Zayn takes a bite out of a glazed donut before looking up to meet Liam's eyes. 

“What?” Zayn asks with a full mouth. 

“You're perfect.” 

Zayn blushes at that. It's so simple yet has so much meaning. Zayn will never get tired of hearing that. Zayn didn't know it was possible to fall in love over and over again but then he met Liam. He is almost positive that falling in love with Liam isn't a choice. It just happened. He can't really help it. 

Today is a day off before Zayn has to go back out and stunt with Gigi. They're going to take advantage of it. How are they going to take advantage of it? By laying on the couch watching random TV shows and cuddle, of course! 

Zayn is curled up against his love’s side with his arms around his waist. Liam is switching between different channels and Zayn isn't really paying attention to what they're watching. He is far more interested in counting and listening to Liam's heartbeat. Making small hums with the beat that it makes. It's Zayn's favorite song. They have written so many incredible songs. However, nothing compares to Liam's natural song. The small thumps and the sometimes uneven beats. 

Liam knows Zayn doesn't ever pay attention to the TV. He knows Zayn probably can't even tell him what they're watching. All Liam cares about is having Zayn by his side again. 

Liam traces small circles into Zayn's exposed skin. Stroking as soft as a feather. As if Zayn could be broken by the slightest bit of pressure. Zayn loves the way Liam treats him. How soft he can be cuddling then how rough he can be while they're having sex. Zayn couldn't have asked for a better relationship. 

They're like that the rest of the day. Not saying many words. Just enjoying each other's company. Every now and then Liam would comb his fingers through Zayn's pretty white hair. He alternates between running his fingers through his hair and rubbing his fingertips down Zayn's side and his back, sending shivers down his spine. 

That's all they've ever needed. Each other. It's enough. 

Zayn doses in and out of sleep throughout the entirety of their TV marathon. At one point Liam catches him snoring and nudges him.

“Babe, you wanna go to bed?” He asks barely audible, trying not to disturb the sleepy prince as much as possible. Zayn just groans his response and tucks his nose between Liam’s biceps and the couch, trying to get as close as possible.

“No. Too comfy.” Zany says in a muffled tone.

“C’mon love. You're tired it's time to go to bed.” 

“Will you come cuddle with me? Don't want to be without you. I won't be with you tomorrow.” 

“Of course.” 

Zayn feels the bicep removed from his cheek and the presence of Liam disappears all together. 

Zayn looks up and Liam is starting to bend down and put one of his hands under Zayn's thigh. And oh. His other hand is being pushed behind Zayn's back. And yeah. Zayn loves this. With one swift motion, Liam hoists Zayn into the air like he weighs the equivalent of a small, innocent puppy dog. Zayn instinctively wraps his arms around Liam's neck and puts his head to the crook of it. Liam walks at a slow pace as if he's trying to ‘protect the merchandise’. 

Liam lays Zayn out on his side of the bed before coming and joining him on his own respected side. As soon as Zayn feels the dip in the opposite side of the bed he turns and gets as close to Liam as possible, putting his nose into Liam's bare chest. Liam just holds him so close as he takes the scent of Zayn's hair. 

They've had countless nights like this. Very few words being exchanged and a hell of a lot of cuddling. Neither seem to mind. They just like the others company and the presence of the other is more than enough for them both. They both fall asleep like that. Holding each other breathing out of sync with the other. Zayn just listened to Liam’s heartbeat until he dozes off into sleep. 

 

The next morning passes in a blur. Zayn is woken up by Liam placing small, tender kisses all over his face. Liam whispering sweet nothings to Zayn. 

Now, Zayn is in a car on his way to who knows where, to meet up with his stupid beard ass girlfriend. Nobody wants to see her. She's gross and ugly and talks like a man. 

The car ride was way too short for Zayn's liking. He's now waiting inside some fancy restaurant waiting for Gigi. Of course, she's late again. Like always. Not that Zayn's complaining. The less he has to see her, the better. 

Zayn sees her walk in. She's wearing a tight dress that comes just above her knees with matching heels that look to be more like weapons than shoes. She's holding a small bag with a long chain hanging from her shoulder. Her makeup is done very well. Her hair slicked back like it always is. Her blonde hair flowing and curving at her shoulders. 

Being polite, Zayn gets up and greets her with a kiss on the cheek. She responds with a hand on his shoulder. Zayn waits for her to be seated before he sits down. 

“How are you, doll?” Gigi asks. Ok. Gigi is actually super nice. Zayn can't stand it. He really wants to hate her. It's practically impossible to dislike her. She's gorgeous, she's nice, her personality isn't total shit. How could you hate her? 

“I'm good. Yourself?” 

“I'm good. Yeah. How's your man?” Okay. Gigi is so supportive and nice and always asks how Liam is. However, he can't get past the whole ‘beard’ thing. 

The only bad thing about Gigi is that she thinks Zayn is her gay BFF! That's so stereotypical. Like ok. Sure Zayn and Gigi are friends. But best friends? Then she has the nerve to call him “Gay Best Friend”. No. 

“Liam, he's good. Still doesn't like me leaving.” 

“I mean, I bet. Now that he has you to himself for the next year but you're here with me.” Did she just say that? 

“Yeah. He's just overprotective and wants me to himself.” 

“Well, I mean if I had my boyfriend stolen from me I'd be furious.” 

“You are listening to the words coming out of your mouth, right?” Gigi laughs. 

“Maybe we shouldn't talk about Liam.” Gigi says and Zayn agrees. That moment the waiter comes. Thank God. Zayn thinks. 

The waiter is a tall man with dark hair and pretty brown eyes. His skin tone is a light brown that is rich and golden.

“Good afternoon. What can I get started for you guys? A water, Coke, Tea?” 

“A water for me.” Zayn answers. 

“I'll have a water as well.” Gigi agrees.

“Alright. Two waters. I'll have that right out. My name is James and I'll be your server today. If you need anything just give me a holler.” He leaves without another word.

Zayn looks at his menu silently. Scanning over and attempting to figure out what he wants. He decides on some fancy dish he can't pronounce, but the picture looked good.

The rest of the meal are spent casually talking about random things like fashion week and different girl stuff that Zayn has no knowledge of, and yet gives opinion like he actually knows and/or gives a shit. 

“So, I was thinking about this gorgeous golden dress that's custom from Versace. It has glitter and shimmers.” 

“Yeah. That sounds lovely!” Zayn says a little overexcited. Like, the kind of excited you can tell people fake. 

“Well, I think that's what I'm going to do. It'll look great.” Zayn just nods in agreement. “That reminds me,” she continues, “we have to go shopping next time.” 

“What, why?” Zayn says shocked and confused. He doesn't want to do that. Zayn doesn't want to go shoppin. Fuck Gigi. 

“You are my plus one to this gala next week and we have to go shopping.” 

“No. I'll just have one of my stylist's pick something out the day of the event, like I always do.” Zayn notices Gigi’s pout.

“Fine!” Zayn says, drawing out the ‘i’ a little too long. Sounding like a small teenage girl. Gigi giggles. 

“What's with men and shopping?” She asks.

“It's apart of our man-card.” Gigi laughs.

“You? Have a man-card?” She starts laughing again. 

“Hey!” Zayn says drawing out the ‘y’ a lot too long. 

“Oh my god, Zayn. You are so gay. How do people not suspect you're gay?” 

“What's that supposed to mean?” 

“You're just not very manly.” 

“I am so manly. Like, football, and like; monster trucks and stuff.” Gigi laughs again. 

The waiter comes back with two cups of water in his hands and sets them down in front of Zayn and Gigi along with two straws.

“Alright. Are we ready to order? Or do y'all need another minute?” 

“I'm ready.” Zayn answers then looks over to Gigi for confirmation. Gigi agrees that she's ready and orders something that Zayn doesn't really hear. Then she is asking the waiter about specials or making critiques to her order, asking if something is better. 

Finally, after what was way too long in Zayn's book, it's Zayn's turn and all he does is point at the picture of food and turns the menu so the waiter can get a better view. The waiter only nods and scribbles in his notebook. He takes both of their menus and adds a quick “Let me know if you need anything else.” Before he turns on his heel and is gone. 

Gigi sits on her phone while they wait for food. And is she really? She has the fucking audacity to sit on her phone and not talk to Zayn. She doesn't even look up to give Zayn the time of day. Two can play at that game. Zayn gets his phone and decides to text Liam.

Zee: hey babe. Gigi’s being a hoe and won't talk to me so what's up? 

Li: I'm watching TV naked. ;)

Zee: chill. I'm still stuck with her for the rest of this dumbass meal. Stop trying to sext me.

Li: oh come on!!! ;-)

Zee: no! I have dignity. 

Li: that's not what you were saying when you went out with her the other day and slipped into a bathroom… ;) 

Zee: I've matured. 

Li: that was last week. 

Zee: oh well. 

Li: :( you're so lame!!

Zee: but you luhhhhhhve me! :) 

Li: I mean. Who can't love you? It's impossible not to love you. 

Zee: aw. I can't not love you too! I'm gonna go eat! X

Zayn puts his phone down and turns his attention to Gigi. Who's pouting. Oh God. What the hell did Zayn do? 

“What?” He asks probably a little too loud and a little too defensive. 

“Dang. Nothing. You're just smiling like an idiot over your phone.” 

“I can't help it. I was texting Liam.”

“Yeah. You're so gay and in love and it honestly disgusts me.” Zayn just smiles. “You two are probably the hottest couple in the world. Like your babies have been blessed by their fathers.” Zayn just smiles. At the idea of him and Liam being fathers. 

 

He can imagine it. Waking up on a Saturday morning to the scent of pancakes coming from the kitchen. Walking in and there being a little girl at the table in her high chair with a plate (on the table attached to the high chair) of torn apart pancakes on it. He would go and place a kiss on top of the little girl’s head before going up behind a shirtless Liam as he’s flipping pancakes. Placing kisses on the back of his neck whispering things like “It smells great.” And, “You really should wear a shirt wouldn't want you to burn yourself.” 

Zayn would help the little girl eat while Liam would eat himself and just admire the sight of a shirtless Zayn picking up a small piece of the pancake, making an airplane sound and moving his hand in sync with the noises and landing the small piece into the little girl’s mouth. Zayn would alternate between eating his own food and feeding the small girl. That would be amazing. That is Zayn's dream. 

 

He is brought back to reality when a plate of food is set in front of him. The amount of food on the plate, overall, isn't that much. Gigi's plate, however, has a lot of food. She has three plates in front of her with different things on them. 

“How much can one person eat?” Zayn says half-jokingly.

“Not everyone can survive off of a bite of food, like you Zayn.” She snaps back. Zayn gets taken aback by the sudden assertion in her voice. Zayn only meant it to tease Gigi. She didn't have to snap and get defensive like that. 

“I was only joking.” Zayn says in a shy voice that he gets when people get mad at him. 

They eat in silence. Every now and then, the waiter comes and checks up on them with a, “everything taste alright?” They would simply nod and he would respond with a thumbs up. 

After they are finished Zayn asks for two separate checks. Because quite frankly, Gigi is a fucking bitch who can't take a joke. And, Gigi is a fucking bitch who can pay her own ‘three plates worth of food’ bill. It's not like Zayn and Gigi are dating. It's not like Zayn is obligated to buy her food. That wasn't in the fucking contract. So guess what. Zayn isn't going to pay for Gigi ‘fake girlfriend’ Hadid’s goddamned food. 

The look on Gigi’s face is more than satisfying for Zayn. There is food hanging out of her mouth and she is just looking at him. The kind of look that's saying, ‘Did you just- I can't believe you just- Oh my god you're a fucking cunt for that.’ Zayn just looks at her, cocks one eyebrow, and gives her a famous Zayn Malik smirk. Gigi just rolls her eyes and makes a grunting noise. 

The waiter brings out both of their checks and Zayn doesn't hesitate to take out his wallet and place a twenty dollar bill on top of the check. Gigi looks at her bill and almost chokes. She gets a credit card out as she glares at Zayn. She puts it on top of the check and signs the piece of paper. 

After they are paid in full they head out. There is paps out, like always, and Zayn almost immediately feels Gigi’s hand wrap around his. His first instinct is to pull away but Gigi's grip is like a python. He is unsuccessful at the attempt to pull his hand away. 

The flashes are overwhelming and popping this way and that. Zayn has learned over the years to look down during pap walks because the lights are blinding. 

Zayn and Gigi walk to a black SUV that is waiting for them on the side of the road. Zayn lets Gigi in the car first before following shortly after. The driver asks where they would like to go. Quite frankly, Zayn wants to go home so Zayn decides to tell the driver to drop him off at home. The car ride there is total silence. Gigi is on her phone, because why wouldn't you be on your phone when your fake boyfriend is completely ignoring you? Zayn scoffs and shakes his head. He looks out the window at the passing lights of the city. The lights seem like they are speeding by in only a straight line. Zayn pretends that he is watching his own personal aurora borealis. 

Zayn decides it's true what they say, whenever you're in love with someone so much you start seeing them in things. As they are driving and Zayn pretends he is passing the aurora borealis and he sees Liam in it. He sees Liam not in the way like you would think. Not like he sees his face physically. It's more like the lights remind Zayn of Liam. He feels Liam in the lights. 

Zayn realized a long time ago that Liam was everything. And now, everything was Liam. 

Zayn gets to his and Liam’s apartment in fifteen minutes. It's a quarter until four and Zayn is literally squirming with excitement because he missed his Li so much. How did they survive being oceans apart for eight months? The will power Zayn had is still beyond him. It's like now, whenever they're together they're together forever. Whenever they're apart, it’s like management is taking that away from them. 

Zayn makes his way up the two flights of stairs to get to their apartment. He knocks twice. As soon as Liam opens the door Zayn practically tackles him. Liam stumbles back a little but he, being bigger than Zayn, manages to stay on his feet. Zayn is on his tippy toes placing small, tender kisses on the face of Liam. On his nose. His forehead. His cheeks. Everywhere. 

“Hello, love.” Liam says as Zayn is sucking on his neck. 

“I missed you so much.” Zayn says.

“I missed you too.” 

“Let me go change.” 

“Ok. I know you're probably not hungry so I went ahead and already ate.” 

“That's fine.” 

Zayn walked to their bedroom and changed quickly into pajamas. He decides on some superhero pajama bottoms that Liam, so kindly, got him for Christmas one year. He also decides on no shirt since Liam has told him countless times, “.” He looks in the mirror once because, still to this day, he always likes looking his best for Liam. The pajama bottoms hang low on his hips showing his V-line very clearly. His happy trail very apparent. 

He walks into the living room and sees Liam in the kitchen. 

“Hey babe!” Liam calls from the kitchen.

“Yeah?” 

“Let's have a superhero movie marathon.” Honestly. That is probably his favorite words that come out of Liam’s mouth. Other than, “You're so beautiful.” And “I love you.” 

“Oh my god. Yes, please!” 

“I'm making popcorn you go pick out the first movie. Anything but Man of Steel. We've watched that too many times!” Liam says. 

Zayn just giggles and makes his way to the entertainment center. He opens the two, small doors at the bottom revealing an overwhelming and embarrassing amount of superhero movies. Zayn scans the movies before deciding on ‘Iron Man’ because he knows it's one of Liam’s favorites. 

“Iron Man good?” He asks from his place on the floor. He looks to the kitchen and he can see, over the bar, Liam perk up a bit. 

“Sounds great!” Zayn takes the movie out of its case and opens the DVD player. He sets the movie up before going to his spot on the couch where there is already a very soft batman themed blanket that he gets under and waits for Liam to join him. 

There is a beep in the kitchen, Zayn identifies is the microwave, signaling the readiness of the popcorn. Zayn looks over to see Liam pouring the bag of “extra buttery popcorn” into a large bowl. 

Liam walks over and Zayn literally takes in the beauty of Liam. His extremely sexy facial hair, the way he is also shirtless. His abs very evident. Zayn loves Liam. It's honestly ridiculous the amount of love he feels for this man. 

“Hey. We're matching.” Liam says. Zayn didn't notice but they're wearing their matching superhero themed pajama bottoms. Both shirtless. Yeah. This is Zayn's favorite thing in the world. 

Liam takes his spot to the left of Zayn sitting criss cross applesauce before decides that he wants to lay down. He lays down and Zayn takes his spot on the backside of the couch, the left side of Liam, and he places his head on Liam’s chest. Zayn gets as close to Liam as possible. Liam’s arm goes around Zayn's shoulders. One of Zayn's arms drapes over Liam’s chest lazily and the popcorn is being shared between the two of them. Their couch is plenty big enough to fit the bowl of popcorn, both of them, and Rhino, of course. The three of them are all curled up on the couch. Under the very soft batman blanket. Eating popcorn. And someone forgot to press play. 

“Babe.” Liam says.

“Yeah?”

“Why isn't it playing?” 

“Shit. You were supposed to press play!” 

“You didn't tell me that!” 

“I'm sorry. I was too mesmerized by your hotness.”

“Can't argue with that.” Liam says before swinging the blanket over himself and he goes to press play. 

He comes back and reclaims his spot next to Zayn. They get situated back to where they were. Where everyone is comfortable and cuddly. 

They watch the movie in almost complete silence. Liam breaking the trend every once in a while to correct something in the movie like, “They should've done that scene differently.” Or, “That was hilarious. Robert Downey Jr. is the perfect person to play Iron Man!” There's not really an in between of those two. 

The movie ends ten ‘till six o’clock. They decide on another movie to watch and Liam made Zayn get up and change the disk because Liam, “had to press play.” Zayn didn't mind, however, especially bc he knows it would get a rise out of Liam. How Zayn, “looks so hot in just pajama pants.” Zayn decides on ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ bc he knows that it's another one of Liam's favorites. Liam notices the movie he put in and he is extremely excited about it. Although it's not one of Zayn's favorite movies he likes it because Liam gets very passionate in it. He loves the movie so much. Zayn actually presses play this time before taking his spot next to Liam again. 

Zayn actually dozes in and out of sleep throughout the entirety of this movie only because, one, it's not Zayn's favorite. And two, Zayn is just really tired. He doesn't know why. Zayn is usually a night owl. Staying up late, going out to parties, coming home to an already sleeping Liam. But lately? He's been wanting to go to sleep at like seven o’clock. That's absurd! Zayn is twenty three for crying out loud! He shouldn't be going to sleep this early. He should be out late getting wasted with friends. He shouldn't be tired. But he is. 

Liam gently shakes Zayn's bicep where his hand was already resting. 

“You ready for bed, love?” Zayn just nods his head against Liam’s chest, making Liam giggle at the tickling sensation. “Alright. Let's go to bed.” Liam starts to get up. 

“Carry me.” Zayn says in a little kid voice holding his arms up. Liam smiles down at him. At how adorable his little Zee is. He bends down and swoops Zayn into his arms in a swift motion. Zayn just accepts the way Liam manhandles him. 

Being already ready for bed, they both get straight under the covers. Like always, Zayn getting as close to Liam as possible. The need for protection. The need for Liam's arms to be wrapped around him is sometimes too overwhelming. 

Zayn having to leave the band and the ten months following have been so brutal and so hard for the both of them. They would FaceTime for hours and hours in the night. Would fall asleep on call. They would wake up still in the phone conversation. Zayn can't recall a full night of sleep in those ten months. All have been restless, scary, and worst of all, lonely. 

Now that he has Liam to himself, of course he's going to take advantage of it! He's going to observe every feature Zayn might've missed before. He's going to memorize the creases in the palm of Liam’s hand until he is able to draw it exactly like it is. He's going to recognize the never before seen freckles that have always been hidden. He's going to find out the unspoken insecurities Liam has. He's going to love those insecurities as much as he loves every other part of Liam. 

They fall asleep like they always do. In each other’s arms. 

 

Zayn wakes up to a vacant space next to him. He starts feeling frantically around, in desperate need of Liam's embrace. His- meant to be funny- tantrum is suddenly brought to a halt when a sob comes from the bathroom. And shit. Zayn's heart never fell so fast in his life. 

The absolute worst thing, for Zayn, is Liam crying. Without a shadow of a doubt. Hands down. The worst sound in the history of everything and forever is Liam Payne crying. 

Zayn doesn't hesitate to kick the large comforter off of his body and hurry to the bathroom. Zayn's heart rate picks up and up with each step he takes closer to the bathroom. He might go into cardiac arrest before he gets to the bathroom! 

The bathroom door is cracked. He knocks once before opening the door all the way and peeking his head through the door. 

“Love?” He says looking around. Liam is sitting on the floor with his knees to his chest and his hands buried deep in his arms. 

Liam looks up and Zayn can feel his heart crack a little. It's painful. Liam’s face has stains of where the tears have been. His eyes puffy and swollen from crying and rubbing his eyes. He looks like a wounded, abused dog begging for love and affection. As soon as Liam and Zayn’s eyes meet Liam collapses in a fit of sobs and cries. 

Zayn doesn't hesitate to get down to Liam’s level and embrace the bigger boy in his arms. Liam tries to push him away but to no prevail. 

“No Zayn! No! I don't want to do it!” Liam says in between sobs. His breathing his shaky and uneven. He stutters when he talks. His words, being slurred rather than articulate. 

“What is it babe? What don't you want to do.” Zayn says trying to calm the boy down. He lets Liam rest his head on his chest. Zayn is slowly stroking the buzz of Liam’s head. Every time Liam gasps for air Zayn leans down and places a simple kiss to the top of Liam's head. It's small but effective.

“I don't want to talk about it.” Liam says. 

“Was it a nightmare, love?” Liam just shakes his head ‘no’. “What is it, love? Talk to me.” Zayn encourages. 

“Not right now. Can we just- go back to sleep for now and I'll tell you later?” 

Zayn doesn't like it. He accepts it, however, seeing how insistent and upset Liam is about it. Zayn leads Liam back to bed and they get under the coverage, this time; it's Liam holding onto Zayn for dear life. 

The second time Zayn wakes up today, he is the one awake first. He takes a glance to his left to check the time. It's now, a quarter past ten. He looks down to a sleeping Liam on his chest. Zayn admires the small bald spot that's in the back Liam's head. Zayn rubs his hand on Liam's buzz trying to wake him up, gently. Liam starts to stir his scruffy facial hair tickling Zayn's chest. A low, manly groan comes from Liam. He sits up and stretches. He's. He looks like he's hiding. Hiding his face from Zayn. 

“Love, what's wrong? What happened?” Zayn encourages. Liam covers his face with his hands and and rubs his eyes. He takes a deep breath. 

“Management,” Liam starts and his voice is already breaking. He's already crying, “They-they want me t-to be in a fake relationship. Again. Th-they want me to be in a relationship then cheating rumors will c-come up and then I'll get fucking ‘heartbroken’ over someone I don't love! This is bullshit! They said I didn't have to! Zayn I don't want to do this again!” 

“Oh love,” Is all Zayn can say as he scoots next to Liam and wraps him in his arms, “you can do it. You've done it before. We have two months! Then we can be together. We can go out! We can love each other!” 

“No Zayn. You don't understand. There's more. The person they want me in a fake relationship is a man. Is an NFL football player. That's how they want to out me. They don't want me to do it with you. That's the problem. That's why I'm upset. I want to do it with you.” Liam is now facing Zayn with glassy eyes and a red face. Liam looks like a sad puppy dog on the side of the road extremely frightened to cross. And Zayn? There are no words. Zayn can feel the tears start to form in his eyes. If his heart didn't crack before, it did now. He is at a loss for words. 

“What's his name?” Zayn says trying to act calmly. Trying to see the light in the situation. Thinking that this is good. That his love can be free. He can finally be himself. 

“Um. Jordan-Jordan Payton.” Liam responds in a shaky, uneven tone. 

“Hey that's good. You're a fan of his, right?” Zayn is trying so hard to be strong. Both of them need it right now. Liam just nods before Zayn continues seeing how upset Liam is, “Hey. This is a good thing,” he grabs Liam's jaw and makes Liam’s eyes meet his, “You get to be free. You get to show the world the real Liam. You can make a difference. This isn't a bad thing. Just three more months and we’ll be together as a couple. That's it. We can do this. You-you can do this. You'll get through it. You are so strong Liam.” Liam is now in a pool of his own tears sobbing. He is crying obnoxiously and nothing could break Zayn’s heart more. 

“I don't want to be strong without you. You make me strong Zayn.” Liam says.

“Love! You're acting like you're going to lose me forever! At the end of the day we are still coming back home to each other. We will still fall asleep in each other's arms. We will still watch superhero movie marathons. We will still be together. That's all that matters.” Liam eventually agrees before Zayn goes on, “So. What's the plan with this whole thing?” They settle against the headboard so they can talk.

“Well apparently, there are already articles and shit out on the internet that are speculating me being seen with him.” Liam is still curled up against Zayn and Zayn is slowly tracing his fingers against Liam’s bicep, drawing weird figures trying to make Liam calm down. 

“Okay. When is the first time you're going to be seen with him?” 

“I don't know yet. We have to contact each other and set up a definitive plan. I also have to initiate a minor Twitter conversation with him,” Liam says in an annoyed tone, “I think I'm just going to wish him luck or some shit.” Zayn chuckles. 

“You always had a way with words.” Zayn says to him.

“Why are our fake relationships so much harder than our real ones? I really want to know.” Zayn just laughs. 

“Hey I have an idea. Why don't us and Louis and Harry go to dinner? I miss them.” Zayn suggests. 

“Like when? Because I want Valentine's Day to ourselves.” 

“Like tonight.” 

“Sure. Let me call them.” Liam gets up and goes to his phone. Which is in the bathroom still. 

Zayn closes his eyes and seems to doze off for a split second. It's one of those times that you seem that you're asleep for a split second but you wake up and it's been thirty minutes. 

His eyes open to Liam hovering over him.

“Hey, love. Louis and Harry are down for tonight. They don't want to go out though. Harry said he would cook for us and we could go over to their place.” Zayn smiles groggily.

“Great. I miss them,” Zayn says smiling, “How long was I asleep?” 

“About thirty or forty minutes.” Zayn just nods. 

“Oh. By the way,” Liam starts, “Jordan called me and we are having our first outing tomorrow morning.” Zayn isn't upset about it. He's had outings on Liam’s birthday. Zayn has had outings on Liam's birthday. It's not that big of deal. Especially because pap walks and first sightings usually take thirty minutes MAX. You go, walk down a street, get spotted, take pictures, and leave. Zayn gets Liam the rest of the day. 

“Great! You're just walking down a street? Holding hands?” Zayn asks.

“Yeah.” Liam said with his head down sounding a little bummed out. 

“Hey. It's okay! We’ll get through it! Like we always do!” Zayn says trying to comfort. 

“He's picking me up around noon and I'll be home by one.” Liam says. Zayn just nods in agreement. 

“What do you want to do today? We can do anything you want.” Zayn says trying to cheer Liam up a bit. 

“I really just want to stay in and do nothing.” 

“And that's what we're gonna do. I need a shower first though.” Zayn says getting up and making his way to the bathroom. 

He takes a quick shower, in and out. He is greeted with the sound of Celine Dion playing from the living room. Zayn, quickly, puts on joggers and nothing else deciding to go commando. 

He follows the sound to the source. Turns out the source is, of course, Liam. Liam spots him over the bar and goes around the corner to meet him. 

“Dance with me.” Liam says. 

Liam and Zayn both love to dance. Only together. Quite frankly, neither of them can dance individually. But. Together, their bodies just move in sync. Like they were made for each other. They have a way about them that when they're apart, they're a mess. But when they're together, it's the most beautiful, magical thing in the world. 

Zayn rolls his eyes and wraps his arms around Liam's neck, feeling Liam's hands rest on his hips neatly. They start moving in-sync to the rhythm of the song “My Heart Will Go On”. 

Zayn puts his head on Liam's chest as they sway. Liam singing quietly into Zayn's ear. Zayn listening to Liam’s heartbeat, like always. Zayn has never told Liam this, but no matter what song they're listening to. Fast or slow. Liam's heartbeat is always on beat with the song. Always beating to the rhythm of the song. They're movements are small but precise. 

“Near, far, wherever you are.” Liam sings quietly. Zayn just enjoys the moment and goes along with Liam's lead. Soon, the big power vocals in the song come in where she sings, “You're here, there's nothing I fear,” and Liam hits absolutely every note, tilting his head back getting into the song. He grabs Zayn's hands and swings him out and does a fancy dance move to make Zayn start spinning. Liam starts leading Zayn in some complex dance moves that Zayn just goes along with. He dips Zayn and brings him back up. Then, the song is over. They stare into each other's eyes. The intensity in their eyes matches each other's flawlessly. Zayn loves Liam's eyes. His eyes are as warm as his smile which is as warm as the sun. The brown looking absolutely stunning on Liam. It's crazy to think that they met almost six years ago. Yet they still look at each other like it's the first time their eyes met. 

“Did you make me breakfast?” Zayn asks excited. Breaking the intense silence. 

“No.” Liam says and Zayn pretends to pout.

“Why not?” 

“‘Cause I wanted you to make me breakfast.” Liam says a little shyly, putting his head down.

“Babe, you know I can't cook for shit!” Zayn says laughing. 

“I’ll help you! We can do it together!” Liam says perking up. Zayn sighs and agrees. Liam kisses him on the top of the head and stays there a little longer than expected, “your hair smells so good. Love when you just get out of the shower. Always smell so good.” 

“Why thank you, Liam.” Zayn says in a kind of, prairie girl accent. Trying to act funny and proper. 

They make their way to the kitchen singing along to some rap song that has come on and they take turns doing the verses. 

“So, Chef Zayn, what is for breakfast?” Liam says while Kanye West plays in the background. 

“That's not how it works, silly. What does my customer want?” 

“Hm. What are the specials?” Liam asks, knowing Zayn isn't going to be cooking anything major. The most Zayn can do it put stuff in a microwave and setting a time. That's it. 

“Well. We have Frosted Flakes, Froot Loops, Lucky Charms, or Apple Jacks!” Zayn says quite proud of himself. Liam laughs at his small bean. 

“Hm. Tempting. I think I want to go with Apple Jacks.” Liam says.

“Alright. One bowl of Apple Jacks coming up for the handsome gentleman.” Zayn says with a kid like smile. 

“Thank you.” 

“But you're in my work station so, sir I'm going to have to ask you to take your seat.” Zayn states firmly. 

Liam giggles and goes and sits at the dining room table. Zayn turns and opens a cabinet to get a bowl out. He turns to the pantry to retrieve the Apple Jacks. He turns and opens the fridge to get some milk. Now Zayn, knowing Liam is watching him, acts like he is working really hard on his ‘dish’. He strategically opens the box of cereal and pours it into the bowl, spilling a little onto the counter. Zayn hears Liam laugh so Zayn, without looking, flips him off. He opens the gallon of milk and pours it into the bowl. He turns around to open a drawer filled with silverware. He grabs a spoon and booty bumps the drawer closed. He puts the spoon in the bowl and brings the bowl to Liam. 

“One bowl of Apple Jacks for the handsome gentleman who laughs at his fiancée when he spills some cereal.” Zayn says sarcastically. 

Liam laughs, “What about a drink Chef Zayn?” 

“What would you like to drink?” Zayn says rolling his eyes.

“Orange Juice, please!” Liam says. Zayn turns on his heel to go pour a drink when Liam screams and a clanking sound follows. Zayn turns abruptly. Liam had thrown the spoon across the room and Liam is standing on his chair with bent knees and his arms wrapped around them. 

“Aw man!” Zayn says. 

“What do you mean ‘Aw man’?” Liam asks.

“I wanted to get it on video.” Zayn says sounding bummed. 

Liam rolls his eyes and Zayn walks to him and places a kiss on Liam's soft lips. Zayn smiles into the kiss.

“You're like really cute when you're scared.” Zayn says. 

“You're like really funny, you should be a comedian.” Liam says sarcastically. 

They give one last pecker kiss and Zayn is up and walking to the living room. 

“Wait what about my OJ?” Liam asks.

“It's in the fridge.” Zayn says and Liam rolls his eyes smiling at how cute Zayn is.

“What are you doing?” 

“I'm about to watch a movie or something come join me I miss you already.” Zayn says fake pouting. 

Liam just fonds and takes his bowl of cereal and pouring it out in the kitchen sink, knowing he isn't going to eat it. He joins Zayn and Rhino on the couch and they decide to watch some regular TV. Some show that Liam really likes that Zayn doesn't really pay attention to. Like always, Zayn just cuddles next to Liam and listens to his heartbeat. 

Zayn actually falls asleep. For the third time today. He is woken up by Liam because apparently it's time to get ready to go to Louis and Harry’s house for dinner. Zayn gets up and goes to their bedroom where there are already clothes picked out for him by Liam. 

“Didn't know if you cared what you wore so I just chose casual.” Liam states. Zayn thanks him and takes off his joggers. 

“Really?” Liam starts, “you really went commando and didn't let me take advantage?” Liam says teasing Zayn. 

Zayn blushes a lot too tired to respond he just puts on the clothes. A light blue button up that he'll roll up the sleeves for. A pair of black skinny jeans and some boots. Zayn looks in the mirror and makes sure he approves. He fixes his hair to where it is spiked up just how he likes it. The pink highlights spiking up in a messy way. Liam pokes his head onto Zayn's right shoulder and wraps his arms around Zayn's stomach. 

“You're so hot.” Liam says and Zayn blushes. 

“You don't look too bad yourself, love.” 

“Thanks. You ready?” Liam asks. 

“Yep.” 

“Alright let’s go.” 

The drive to the Tomlinson’s take about twenty minutes. Liam drives them. His left hand on top of the steering wheel the other being occupied by Zayn's hand. Liam rubbing circles over Zayn's thumb. Each stroke sends chills traveling up and down Zayn's spine. Liam's touch is as gentle as a feather. Soft and delicate. Yet protective and firm. They drive singing along to whatever the radio has to offer. Their harmonizing is beautiful and perfect. Like always, of course. 

They're in front of the Tomlinson household at precisely 6:15. They knock on the door and moments later Louis answers. 

“ZAYN!” Louis screams throwing himself at Zayn hugging him tightly.

“Louis!” Zayn responds hugging him back.

“I've missed you so much! You look fucking hot how is the hottest couple to ever walk the planet?” Louis is talking like his voice in his high, raspy voice. 

“Aw. Lou. We are great!” Zayn says rubbing his back and tightening the hug. Louis breaks the hug. 

“Oh Zayn. You know I've always been a sap or you.” Louis says with a chuckle. He backs up and let's them into the large house. 

“Harry, babe, Liam and Zayn are here.” Louis calls out. 

“I'm almost done!” A voice Zayn identifies as Harry calls back.

Zayn steps into the large house, followed by Liam. An advanced modern looking home that looks like it's for rich people. The unique architectural building is absolutely stunning. The flooring is a beautiful, dark laminate color. There is a staircase straight in front of the door that winds into an upstairs loft. To the right is a big dining room with a big dining room table in the middle, perfect for family gatherings and holidays. Which the Tomlinsons do a lot. In the dining room and to the left a big wall opens up into the kitchen. An enormous kitchen with modern black cabinets and stainless silver fridge and matching stove. Harry is slaving away in the kitchen trying to finish styling the plates so they look presentable and perfect. 

“Hey guys!” Harry says looking over, putting the bowl down and coming over to them to give them each a hug. “How have you two been?” He asks getting back to setting up the plates. 

“Nothing much. Zayn's been stunting and I start a stunt tomorrow.”

“Woah. What?” Louis asks, “Why in the hell are they making you stunt literally a month before you're coming out? That's stupid. Who are you stunting with? Oh wait is it that Jordan Payton guy? I saw an article on that.” 

“Yeah.” Liam says with his head down. Zayn just grabs his waist and pulls him a little closer like a small side hug just to let him know it's okay. 

“Dinner is served. Come get your plate.” Harry says stepping away and gesturing like he's presenting a grand prize from the four assorted plates. They all grab their plates and make their way to the large dining room table. They all take a seat in their respective chairs. Louis and Harry one side and Liam and Zayn on the other.

“Hey Zayn. How are you taking the whole Liam being with a guy beard thing?” Louis asks. 

“I, honestly, am just glad that Liam gets to be free and gets to be himself. We’ll be out together soon enough. We've waited four years we can wait another five weeks.” Zayn said optimistically. 

“What's the plan? How's it supposed to play out?” Harry asks taking a bite out of his Chicken Alfredo. 

“Well,” Liam starts taking a quick bite before continuing, “We are supposed to be madly in love he ‘breaks my heart’ I'm a mess and Zayn swoops in and basically saves the day.” Harry nods his agreement, understanding. 

Dinner is spent not talking much, but eating a lot. The Chicken Alfredo is devoured by all four of them. All of them going back for seconds. They engage in, what they think is, casual conversation. Since when is talking about your fake girlfriend and fake baby a casual conversation? 

“So how's ‘lil Freddie?” Liam asks. 

“He got some good action last night. Isn't that right babe?” Louis says looking toward Harry giving him a smirk and some seductive eyebrows. Liam laughs.

“Oh my GOD! At least wait for us to leave!” Zayn says.

“No, I meant your fake baby.” 

“He's good. I guess. This fucking stunt is almost over so I'm really excited about that!” Louis says excitedly.

“I'm done with all of my stunts!” Harry says proudly. 

“That's because Simon actually sort of likes you. It's gross I think he still has a crush on you.” 

“No he doesn't!” Harry pushes.

“Babe. He asked you for a blow job while you were drunk.” 

“Oh yeah! I remember that! You hit him in the back of the head with a beer bottle and he still doesn't know it was you.” Harry says giggling. 

“You know I'm protective!” Louis says.

“Hi,” Zayn says, “It's Zayn and Liam. Can y'all stop flirting and engage us in the conversation?” He says laughing. 

“Oh Zayn, how are you and that walking Garbanzo Bean?” Zayn chuckles at that. 

“She's okay I guess. I made her pay for her own meal at a nice restaurant because she was being a bitch so.” Louis starts laughing. 

“That's great! I don't even pay I make my beard pay. I always say, ‘Hey why don't you use some of that money they're giving you to be here to buy me some food?’ And it's great.” Now it's Zayn's turn to start laughing. 

“No you don't that's a lie. You're way too polite to say something like that.” Harry says.

“I can be mean.” Louis states for surely. 

They all go out to out to the back patio where there is a fire pit. All of them drinking some type of alcohol. Zayn holds a beer in one hand (his seventh beer, for the record) and a cigarette in the other. He's leaning against Liam who has a simple glass of wine, knowing he's driving home. Louis is the same as Zayn, except Harry is leaning against Louis with a glass of wine. Harry never cared much for the taste of beer. He always preferred ‘girlier’ drinks. He likes the fruity taste rather than the hard, tasteless (in his opinion) beer. 

“It's crazy isn't it? We have travelled this journey together and it's almost over. The bullshit. The lies. It's all almost over.” Liam says. Zayn is looking ahead. The backyard is absolutely stunningly maintained. An enormous swimming pool ahead. And steps down on either side lead to a backyard with actual sized goals on either side big enough for any football match. 

“I know,” Harry says, “Remember when you and Zayn came out to us and Niall?” 

Liam looks down at Zayn blushing a little, “Yeah. I do.” 

“Y'all were so nervous. It was crazy. We all knew because Zayn and Louis were best friends and talked about everything and Zayn actually told him when he was going to ask you out.” Liam is blushing still and Zayn is smiling shyly. 

“Yeah he finally got the balls to ask me.” Liam says looking down, teasing Zayn. Zayn just looks up at him and pecks him on the lips.

“And then I also remember the first time y'all had a meeting with management to hide y'all. The tears from you two that night on the tour bus was unbelievable.” 

Zayn has tears in his eyes. He will never forget that moment when they were told, “It's not good for sales to be who you are. You need to be kept secret. So each of you will be put in a relationship. The only way to sale albums is for girls to think they have a chance with you.” The bald man with the black suit would say. 

“Louis and I just held the both of you telling you ‘it's okay.’ And ‘You will get through this.’” 

Liam and Zayn are both smiling. Knowing what great friends they have. Knowing that if no one else will, they will support them. Zayn can honestly not ask for better friends. Harry and Louis are Zayn and Liam’s biggest fans. And Zayn and Liam are Harry and Louis’ biggest fans. 

Zayn and Liam are at Harry and Louis’ house for over four hours. It's pushing 10:45 and Zayn is drunk. Blacked out, flat out drunk. He has drank over ten beers. He has lost count. He is drunk and Liam thinks it's time to go, as Zayn gets really emotional and sad when he's drunk. 

“Hey babe. I think it's time to go home.” Liam says.

“B-But babe! Babe! I don't want you to leave me!” Zayn says sounding like he's breaking down. 

“Hey. I'm not going to leave you. I think it's time to get you home.” Liam encourages.

“Oh okay! I thought you were going to leave me here!” 

“Hey! What's wrong with staying here?” Louis asks also drunk. 

“Y'all are going to have sex and I don't want to hear that!” Zayn says. 

“Okay you're right. We are going to have sex.” Louis says.

“Hah!” Zayn says pointing his finger at Louis and looking at Liam, “I knew it!” 

“Okay okay you're right. Let's get you home BF to bed.” Liam says.

“No Liam! I don't want to go to bed! I want to have- sex.” Zayn says like a little kid and having sex is scandalous and frowned upon. 

“Babe. You won't even be awake by the time we get home.” 

“If I am can we have- sex?” Zayn asks. Liam laughs at his boy. 

“Yes. It's a deal.” Liam says laughing. 

“Yes!” Zayn says like a little kid that just got his way. Liam shakes his dad fondly and leads Zayn to the front door. They say their final goodbyes with hugs and “We need to do this again”. They all agree and Liam leads Zayn to their car. Zayn struggling to stay on his feet. Liam guides Zayn into the passenger seat and helps him put his seatbelt on before taking his spot in the driver’s seat. He looks to his right where Zayn is already asleep and snoring. 

“Well. No sex for you tonight.” Liam says to himself smiling. He drives with the radio turned up just enough to cover up Zayn's obnoxious snoring. 

They get home at approximately 11:10. Liam puts the car in park and steps out of the car. He goes around to Zayn's place in the car. He scoops Zayn in his arms and kicks the car door closed. He carries Zayn all the way through their front door and all the way to their bed. He strategically removes Zayn's clothing until he is down to his underwear and he helps Zayn gets under the covers. Liam changes into his pajamas and joins Zayn in his spot on their bed. Zayn, like second nature, scoots closer to Liam and puts his head on Liam's chest. Listening to his heartbeat like always. Liam wraps his arms around Zayn and puts his cheek to Zayn's hair and falls asleep, cuddling Zayn.

 

Zayn is awoken by Liam kissing his nose. His head feels like a punching bag being punched by a boxer. 

“Hey love. Jordan is about to pick me up. I made you some pancakes. Please eat. It'll help the headache. I also brought you some ibuprofen.” Liam says holding two pills and a bottle of water. Zayn takes them without hesitating. Swallowing the two pills then taking a swig of water. 

“Thank you.” Zayn says.

“Here. Let's go eat.” Liam encourages trying to help Zayn up. 

Liam leads Zayn to the dining room table where a plate of pancakes and topped with syrup wait. Liam pulls the chair out carefully for Zayn to sit. Zayn scoots towards the table and grabs the fork and starts to eat. Liam stands behind him giving him a head massage, knowing how much pain Zayn gets when he's hungover. 

“Why do you do that to yourself if you know you're going to be in pain?” Liam asks bending over kissing Zayn's temple. 

“I don't know. It feels good when I do it and I feel like the after affects are worth it.” Liam rolls his eyes. A honk from outside signaling for Liam, rings in Zayn's ears. 

“Oh! That's my ride!” Liam says standing up straight and starting to walk out the door.

“Ahem! Are you forgetting something?” Zayn asks. Liam rolls his eyes and walks back to Zayn giving him a soft kiss. 

“I love you.” Liam says.

“I love you too.” One last peck and then Liam's walking out of the door and is gone. 

Zayn looks at the time and it's ten until noon. Why the fuck is Jordan here? Why couldn't he just have ten more minutes with Liam? He finishes his pancakes and puts the plate in the dishwasher. 

This is weird for Zayn. He is so used to going out with beards he isn't used to staying home and waiting for Liam to come home. He decides that he needs at least a little more sleep and hopefully Liam will be back by the time he wakes up. He walks to their bedroom and crawls under the large comforter, sinks into the silk sheets, closes his eyes and forces himself to sleep the pain away. 

Zayn wakes up to his cell phone ringing. He looks at the time. It's 12:55. He reads the name of the caller, ‘Li’. He answers.

“Hey babe. You on your way home?” 

“Hello? Is this Zayn?” That's not Liam. That's a strange man with an extremely deep voice, who's crying? 

“Who is this?” Zayn asks almost in a demanding tone. 

“It's. It’s Jordan.” His voice is breaking. He is crying. There is a discrete sound of sirens in the background. 

“What the hell is going on? Where is Liam?” Zayn asks getting up from his bed and starts pacing, getting nervous. 

“I-I'm so sorry, Zayn. I'm so-so sorry.” His voice is literally cracking. 

“Jordan I swear to God if you don't tell me what the FUCK is going on right now!” Zayn is yelling. 

“He-he Liam. He. He wasn't wearing his seatbelt. He went,” Jordan takes a deep breath trying to calm himself, “He went right through the windshield.” Zayn's heart has left his body. He is not breathing. His heart’s not beating. Everything came to him in one wave. It's like a loud gong was hit. Someone just punched someone in Zayn's stomach and he's going to throw up. It all has just turned so real for Zayn. He starts balling. Ugly, careless, all out, balling. 

“W-What hospital?” Zayn asks sobbing.

“Kindred Hospital.” 

“I'm on my way.” Zayn hangs up the phone. 

Zayn has never gotten dressed so fast in his life. He puts on a pair of joggers along with one of Liam's sweatshirts. He slips on some Nike sandals and heads out. He grabs the keys to his and Liam's car. He hops in the car and starts the engine. Zayn puts the car in drive and puts the pedal to the metal. He gets out his phone and calls Harry. He answers on the second ring. 

“Hello?” Harry says.

“Harry. Liam got in a car wreck and he's on his way to Kindred Hospital. Get there as fast as possible please.” Zayn has tears running down his face. He feels like he's in a dramatic episode in those stupid, yet fascinating TV shows Liam watches. 

“Woah. What?” 

“Liam. On his way to the Hospital. Be there. Please.” Zayn hangs up.

There are tears running down Zayn's cheeks and his face is turning an ugly Crimson red. He is balling. He is screaming. He is banging his head against the door. He hasn't even noticed he is pushing 90 miles per hour. He doesn't care he needs to see Liam. He is swerving in and out of lanes trying to get there. This car ride is the longest of Zayn's life. He is panicking. He is having an anxiety attack. Jordan's words echo in his head, wasn't wearing a seatbelt, through the windshield. He can't breathe. He starts screaming, at the top of his lungs. He can't live without Liam. He legitimately cannot. He is physically unable to live without Liam. Shit. He was complaining about not having ten minutes with him. 

He pulls up to the hospital parks as close as possible and he's sprinting. Sprinting as possible to the front desk. 

“Liam-Liam Payne!” Zayn tells the older lady. She starts typing away on her computer. You can tell he's been crying. His tear stained cheeks. His red, Crimson face. The obvious tears still in his eyes that he has yet wiped out of because it's pointless, really. Why wipe away your tears when they will be replaced with more tears? 

“Liam Payne is in ICU but is stable. You can go in there. It'll be on the second floor the signs will guide you.” 

Zayn sprints to the stairs because fuck elevators that take too fucking long! He leaps over two steps at a time and barges through the door of the second floor. He is sprinting following the arrows that say ‘ICU’. Hallway after hallway, room after room. Until finally, there is a large double door he is standing in front of. He pushes them open and goes to the desk that is situated against the right wall with a red haired lady typing away at her keyboard. Zayn walks up to her. There are screams coming from all of the different rooms. 

“I'm here for Liam Payne.” Zayn tries to say calmly. She looks on a clipboard that's to her left. 

“He's in room two twenty-three.” She says. 

Zayn sprints, once again, through the halls to get to the room. There is a Doctor outside, writing something down on a clipboard. 

“Are you Mr. Malik?” He asks. Zayn just answers with a nod. “Well. He's not doing too well. He's responsive. For now. I don't know how long that'll last. He has suffered severe brain damage.” 

“Is he going to be okay?” Zayn questions. 

“I honestly don’t know.” Zayn’s breath catches in his throat. Everything is hot and he's sweating He takes that information and opens the door. Jordan is the first one he sees. He is sitting straight across the foot of the bed, against the wall. Jordan sees him, stands up and walks over to greet him at the door. He's been crying too. His face is flushed and tearstained as well. 

“I-I'm so sorry this happened.” Jordan says. Zayn doesn't pay attention to him. He walks straight past Jordan not making eye contact, nor the time of day. He refuses to look at the man who was careless enough to let his love go through a windshield. He walks down the entryway and around the corner to see him there. Laying there with his eyes closed. So, so, so much equipment attached to him. Chords going across his body. He's breathing. Just barely. His shirt is off and there are at least four different tubes going into his body doing different things. There is a massive tube like contraption that appears to be going into his throat. There are so many bruises all over his body. Zayn traces his finger over the, once beautiful and soft, now bruised and rigged skin. He places a simple kiss on the top of Liam's head letting him know that he's there. He grabs a seat that is against a wall and brings it close to the bed. He grabs Liam's hand and starts stroking it. The beeps coming from a monitor and the line on it goes up and down with his heart rate. 

Jordan comes behind him and puts a hand on Zayn's shoulder.

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” Zayn yells shaking Jordan's hand off of him. He stands up glaring at Jordan. Jordan looks perplexed. He doesn't know what to make of it. 

“I said I was sorry!” Jordan protests.

“What the hell happened?” Zayn asks abruptly demanding answers.

“It was my fault. I got my new car and I was trying to impress Liam. He told me I was going too fast. He told me. He told me I should slow down! We came around this curve too fast and so was the other guy. Liam wasn't wearing his seatbelt and it was a head on collision. I watched him fly through the windshield. I'm so so sorry Zayn.” 

“So. You're telling me that because of your reckless ass driving,” Zayn's voice is getting louder with each word, “MY Liam is in the hospital? MY Liam could be dying because of you!?” Zayn is crying and yelling at him. “Get out.” Zayn says simply but assertively. Jordan comes closer trying to take the much smaller man in his arms. Zayn forcefully pushes him away making the larger man stumble back. 

“I SAID GET OUT!” Zayn screams tears streaming and staining his face. Jordan puts his hands up defeated and exits the room. Zayn sits back down and puts his head down on the bed next to Liam, holding his hand, stroking and not thinking about letting go anytime soon.

Zayn is tapped on the shoulder by none other than Louis. Zayn looks up and meets the also tear stained eyes of the older boy. He gets up immediately and gives him a hug letting out a loud sob. He's crying again. Loudly. Obnoxiously. 

“Hey, Hey. It's okay. It's okay.” Louis encourages, rubbing Zayn's back. 

“He's. He’s not going to make it Lou.” Zayn cries.

“Liam's a fighter you know it. I know it. He will why through this Zee. He's seen the worst. This is nothing compared to what the two of you have been through.” Harry says rubbing the back of Zayn's head.

Then, an extremely intense beeping goes off and everything happens extremely fast. There are doctors and nurses coming in and forcefully pushing Louis, Zayn and Harry out of the room. Zayn's face is in fear and he's hyperventilating. Everything is closing in. Getting tighter and tighter. Harder and harder to breathe. His back hits a wall and he collapses to the floor crying. He pulls his knees to his chest and holds himself, crying. He buries his face deep into his knees so he can't be seen. A presence joins him and puts an arm around his back. There to provide at least a little bit of comfort. He sits there and cries. You can hear the actual fragments breaking and falling off of Zayn's heart. Zayn can feel himself falling slowly. Falling into a large, dark abyss. Like the space around the Earth is pushing down on top of him and consuming him. Darkness is consuming him. Swallowing him. He can practically feel the depression starting already. He needs a smoke. 

He gets up and Louis follows him. They walk side by side not saying a word to each other. They are both fully aware that they're going for a smoke. They get to an outdoor patio that's reserved for smoking. He and Louis both find a spot to sit. Zayn lights a cigarette, holding it close to his body, as if he didn’t want to take up too much space. He puts his lips around the filter of the three inch tobacco monster. He inhales swiftly, before removing the cigarette out of his mouth, almost feeling the cancer enter his body. He exhales a stream of smoke. 

“You know,” Zayn starts, “it's really funny. We were almost there. We were so close to being free. So close to being together. So close to sharing our love with the world. Yet, something had to go wrong. Again.” Zayn shakes his head and takes another hit off of the cigarette.

“Hey,” Louis says. He isn't smoking. Instead, he is trying his best to comfort the younger boy with an arm around him giving him as much support as you can, “Liam will get through this. He is a fighter Zayn. Everything's going to be okay. You guys are going to come out, be the hottest couple in the world, and then y'all will grow old together and die.” Zayn isn't smiling. He isn't laughing. His face is almost lifeless. It's pale. Like he's a ghost that has been strangled with a belt around his neck. His blank stare could fool any poker player. 

“Why can't something good happen for a change?” Zayn asks tears falling from his eyes. Not like they were earlier. He's not crying. He is just letting tears fall, “Why couldn't I, at least, have been with him when this all happened?” Zayn asks. His face still blank. 

“This life we live is fucked up. It's not all fun and games like people think. Why do we have to do any of this?” 

“The fact I may never speak to the love of my life again Louis. Why in the fucking hell is that allowed? That's unfathomable! This world is fucked up, unfair and greedy! I hate this world! It's bullshit!” Zayn says taking his last hit of the cigarette before flicking it out of sight. He gets out the small box full of cigarettes and doesn't hesitate to get another one out and light another. He takes a hit and releases the smoke from his lips, blowing gently. 

“I know, babe.” Louis says. 

“No, you don't know. Do you realize how fucking dependent I am of Liam? Do you understand how needy I am? I literally haven't let him leave my side more than a couple of hours since we've been back together. His chest has turned into my pillow, Louis! Imagine never sleeping with a pillow again. Imagine it. Imagine never sleeping with Harry again. Imagine never being able to watch movies or go on a date with the love of your life again.” Zayn takes another hit. 

“You're upset. I understand that. It's okay. You're acting like Liam's dead, Zayn. He's not dead. I don't know if he will be or if he won't be. But he's not dead.” 

“I know it's just, you know me. Always seeing the dark side in things. Always pessimistic.” 

Louis rubs his back comfortingly. 

“Let's go inside.” Louis suggests. Zayn agrees and takes one last hit of the cancer causing death trap before flicking it away in the grass. 

They walk back into the building and back up to the waiting area of the second floor. They find Harry, who is sitting by himself and join him. Louis greets him with a kiss and Harry gives Zayn an assuring smile as if to say, he’ll be okay I know it. Zayn smiles back thanking him. Zayn puts his head on Louis’ shoulder and tries not to think about what happened. He can't help it. Over and over he keeps replaying what he thinks happened. How he thinks Liam went through the window. He cringes. The thought of Liam being shot forward and breaking through the windshield and landing on top of the hood of the car, lifeless. Pieces of glass clinging and slicing through Liam's skin. The paramedics picking Lifeless Liam off of the hood of the car, onto a stretcher and carting him away to the ambulance. Tears roll down his face again. He allows himself to close his eyes. He doesn't sleep but the world when he closes his eyes is a helluva lot better than the world when he opens his eyes. 

An old man with a long, white lab coat. He seems to recognize the three men sitting in chairs and walks over to them. He stands right in front of them, his presence, intimidating. His smile, nonexistent.

“Zayn Malik?” He asks in a soft, low voice that resonates in the large room. 

Zayn sits up and looks in the eyes of the old man, “That’s me.” Zayn says softly and shyly. 

“I regret to inform you that your fiancée has passed away. He had a seizure. He did everything we could, but ultimately was useless.” 

Suddenly, everything turns slow motion. Zayn, Louis and Harry all follow the doctor to a smaller room than where Liam was before. There he is. All the equipment is off of him. He is laying there with nothing on except the hospital gown. His eyes are closed like he's sleeping. He's just sleeping. Zayn thought. Just a long, peaceful sleep. He isn't crying, yet. Harry is crying and bending over to Louis’ shoulder to cry. Every part of Liam looks normal. His lips. His nose. His everything looks like Liam. He kneels down and caresses Liam's arm, noticing his engagement ring is gone. 

“Where's his engagement ring?” Zayn asks. 

“Oh it's right over here.” The doctor turns around and picks the small accessory off of the cabinet and gives it to Zayn. Zayn carefully puts the ring on Liam's lifeless hand. Zayn takes Liam's hand in his and politely asks for time alone. Obviously, they all oblige and leave the room. Zayn takes a deep, shaky breath.

“Hey, love. Wow. I didn't think that I would ever have to do something like this. I know you probably can’t hear me. That's okay. This is more for me anyway. To come to terms and to the realisation that you are no longer here. It's going to be weird. You were the absolutely only person I could talk to like I do and probably be the only person I will ever talk to like that the rest of my life. It's crazy. Really. How are you still so flawless and beautiful like this? It's unfair Li. I want to be this flawless. This is so cruel and deceiving! Why does it look like you're sleeping and you're going to get up any minute and give me kisses and say, ‘I got you!’. I know that's more than likely not logical but you know how I am.” Zayn's eyes are glassy and he's looking at Liam through a kaleidoscope of tears. 

“Oh I just made the executive decision to come out early! I hope you don't mind. I really don't care.” Zayn smiles to himself trying to imagine Liam talking back. He can't. Liam remains lifeless on the bed with his hand in Zayn's. Zayn stands up and places a kiss on Liam's, still soft, lips. 

He allows the Doctor, Louis and Harry back in the room and Louis and Harry both take their time saying goodbyes. Zayn has cried so much today he is sure he is dehydrated. The tears are shed and the three boys’ all hold each other, crying. (Niall, being out of the country, sent his condolences in a very emotional phone call to Zayn while he was on his way to the hospital.) 

“Hey!” Louis exclaims after a long silence. 

“Let's have y’all’s wedding right here right now!” 

“What?” Zayn asks. 

“Hold on.” Louis disappears out of the room. 

He only reappears with a lady. 

“What's your name, love?” Louis asks. 

“Nicki.” The middle aged looking woman says. 

“Zayn, Nicki is going to ‘informally’ marry you and Liam.” Louis says. Zayn actually loves the idea. At least he can be “married” to Liam. Zayn nods with tears in his eyes. Nicki smiles at him. 

“Okay,” she says, “I have no idea how to do this so I'm going to give it my best shot.” She says taking a place on the other side of the bed where Zayn is not. “Okay. Do you, Zayn, take Liam to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, from this way forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?” She asks. 

“I do.” Is all that Zayn says. He's crying. There are tears. 

“Zayn and Liam. By the power vested in me, which is nonexistent, I now pronounce you spouses for life.” Nicki says and Zayn leans forward and connects his lips with Liam's. Louis and Harry coo and awe and clap.

The doctor eventually tells them that they have to leave. That they have to get this room cleared out. Zayn, Louis and Harry all abide to the rules and leave. They make their way to the parking garage and they say their final goodbyes.

“You know you are always welcome at our house.” Harry encourages. Zayn thanks them and gives them both a hug. 

“I love you both so much. You have no idea. Thank you.” 

Zayn hopes in his car and drives away, waving at Louis and Harry when he passes them. 

The ride home is lonely. At one point, Zayn reaches over the center console for Liam's hand to find nothing. Liam's hand doesn't meet his. Instead he is met by vacancy. Loneliness. He tries to listen to music but everything reminds Zayn of Liam. Every song comes on makes Zayn think of Liam and tears instantly come in effect. He decides that music isn't the best idea yet. He instead just focuses on the road and tries not to let his thoughts get the best of him. 

He gets home and it's almost eight o’clock. He decides that he's going to skip eating and go straight to bed. He goes to the bedroom. Their bedroom. He goes to the bathroom. Their bathroom. He changes into a pair of Liam's joggers and one of Liam's large sweaters that swallows Zayn whole. He climbs into the bed. Their bed. He lays his head on a pillow. It hits him like a freight train. Liam's heartbeat isn't there. He will never hear his favorite song ever again.

 

He shoots out of bed and grabs his phone. He opens the front camera and turns on the light of the room. He situated himself on the bed to where he is comfortable. He presses the small red button at the bottom of the screen.

“Um. Hey guys. You're probably wondering why I've been crying. Well that's because the love of my life has passed away. And no. Not Gigi. Today at six thirty Liam Payne was pronounced dead. He was in a tragic car accident and I don't know if I'm going to be able to go on. Just to address all the confusion: yes. Me and Liam were hidden. We were in a hidden relationship from the public eye. He was my fiancée and the love of my life. I know this is a shock to some of you and I'm sorry if you're disappointed but this is it. This is the real life. Show business is fucked and-and music producers are greedy and only care for themselves. So the more I look at this fucked up situation the more I realize I don't want to be in this fucked up situation. Especially if I can't finish this fucked up situation with the person I started it with. With the love of my life. So. If you're watching this,” Zayn pauses and takes a deep breath, “Then more than likely I am dead.” Zayn stops the recording and opens Twitter. 

He clicks on the box with the feather through it in the top right hand corner. He clicks the camera icon with shaky thumbs. He clicks on the latest video he just made. He clicks ‘Tweet’. He puts his phone on the night stand table next to him, gets up and walks to the bathroom. Their bathroom. He walks into the walk in closet that they shared. He grabs a belt that Liam had used to hold his pants up at an award show. He links it up on the top rack and tightens it. He stands on a stool that is used so they could get stuff off of the top shelf. He puts his head through the loop of the belt. He takes his time. He looks down at the floor. He watches a single tear hit the floor. I'm coming Li, He thinks as he takes a leap of faith.

**Author's Note:**

> Add me on Twitter @TrevorMSlays and let me know what you think! :-) (Gotta get that self promo lol)


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